Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
