ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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