Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
