There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
