Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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