He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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