but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
