I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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