1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
