i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
send nudes
from the living room?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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