Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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