where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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