she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
