My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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