My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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