I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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