Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
