The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
cat food counts as protein by the way
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
