Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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