I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
