I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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