he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
