I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
