I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
