Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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