My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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