You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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