ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
