It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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