I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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