I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
