she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
