she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
