I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
