Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
