it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
