Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I fill condoms, not promises.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize