Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
