Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
did you just send me my own nude
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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