tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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