Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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