my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
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