Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
