Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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