Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Is Oprah even human
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
