my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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