I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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