I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
