Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I CAN MOONWALK!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
