All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
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