i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize