I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
