the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
