that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
