I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
