If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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