"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
ttyl tear gas
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I supernannyed him into submission
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
