if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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