Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
