Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
