i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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