Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
