I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
