So drunk, too bad you don't want this
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
