Where is the hickey?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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